Wearing a pith helmet and brandishing a blunderbuss, Marshbaum burst into my work and ordered me to the floor. I looked at my faux associate and media foil, approximately to grill him what his advanced scheme was. With Marshbaum, who was fed "Honeymooners" episodes by IV when he was a child, everything is a scheme to assemble money. But, in the fraction of generation I had before he yelled for me to invest in under my desk and embrace my head, I quickly decided he was serious.

"We're at war!" he shouted, hyper-kinetically upset.

"Of circuit we're at war," I said. "Bush diverted mode from Afghanistan to invade Iraq. Been at struggle five years."

"Not that war," said Marshbaum. "This is bigger. China invaded our homeland. We're under attack. And thanks to a 5-4 determination by the Supremes, me and Ole Betsy testament defend my habitation from the Commie invaders."

"You been watching also diverse recycled Cool Fighting films?" I asked. "China is our trading partner. They loaned us billions to chop our excessive unbalanced budget. Their factories are producing goods for the American consumer nearly as blue streak as Washington politicians keep been producing verbal diarrhea."

"The Chinese admit launched rockets at us. We don't keep still time."

"I didn't beam anything on the 24/7 dispatch channels about an invasion."

"Of plan not," said Marshbaum, "they're further on duty tracking celebrity weddings, break-ups, and drunk driving arrests."

"Even the worst reporter would pick up on an invasion of the U.S," I said.

"Yeah," he replied sarcastically, "like they picked up on the Chauvinist Deed violating a half-dozen constitutional amendments? Approximating they figured gone the Bush-Cheney Oil and Screw Corp. lied to them about Iraq, the environment, the housing crisis, the economy, and how to assemble barbecued burritos?"

"But combat with China?" I asked skeptically.

"China!" he said authoritatively. "Largest Communist nation in the world. Expanded than a billion people. Largest Army in the world. While the politicians focused on lifetime unpleasant to Cuba, which has isolated 11 million mankind and hardly any weapons, the Chinese posses been getting ready to invade us. It's been a sneak barrage that started agedness ago. Some of the finest students in American colleges are Chinese. They're the cadre for the take-over, and it's less than a week away!"

"I assume you obtain evidence," I asked, playing along with Marshbaum. After all, I had no concept how lethal a blunderbuss could be, exclusively whether I was in the duplicate time with one.

"Tents," said Marshbaum. "Thousands of tents corner been allot up the elapsed two weeks on every big course of action in America. They're ammunition depots. Come The middle of summer Fourth, the Chinese students will close getting classical scores on their SATs, blend their comrades from all the Chinese buffets, birr to the tents, activate the weapons and blow us all sky hovering with Roman Candles and Multi-break Shells. Dahlias, Willows, and Rings. An arsenal of destruction!"

"They're fireworks!" I told my credulous friend. "Fireworks! Jefferson, Madison, and the patriots started the revolution so we could eat hotdogs and potato salad, then shoot off a colour spectacular and bend a three-day weekend."

"For a journalist, you're yet denser than I thought." And so he walked me terminated his logic. "Ninety-Eight percent of all fireworks we operate for July Fourth are make-believe in China."

"I examine no evidence of war conflict here," I said. "The Chinese besides service most of our toys and equitable about anything that winds up at the Dollar Store."

"Do you comprehend the largest army in the sphere would be content to stay in Asia and eat sushi all day?" I disregarded the anomaly that sushi is a Japanese dish, nevertheless when Marshbaum is on a roll it's packed to divert him with logic. "Come July Fourth, they're going to shock and awe us with their fireworks, play a Tchaikovsky overture, and then cut over the rest of America."

"The Olympics are particular about five weeks away," I reminded him, "why would the Chinese assailing us when it's hosting the substantial exhibit for homogeneity and peace?"

"Because they essential another emaciated squeaky-voiced gymnasts," he said, "and we'll be so grateful to influence rid of them and those snooty equestrians as beefy that we'll wave flags to apotheosis China."

"Americans are going to wave Chinese flags? That's ridiculous!"

"American flags," said Marshbaum. "Most flags and flag pins-you perceive the ones the semi-patriotic American politicians always wear-are prepared in China." Marshbaum deduction a moment. "Maybe their Army won't occasion to invade us. They've already defeated us."